Baby Bear Page 5

  “He’ll want you to understand what it means to be his Baby Bear first. Did he tell you anything about it?”

  “Not in detail.”

  “Well, were you ever in a relationship where your boyfriend was the boss?”

  “I’ve never really had a boyfriend for longer than a week, so I guess we didn’t get that far. But I kinda know what you mean. I had that for a weekend with my ex-boss. And he bossed me around on the job and then some. I guess I wasn’t good at listening to him because he kicked my ass out of his bed.”

  “Well, you have time, then. The Papa Bears love their Baby Bears. They take care of their Baby Bear, and in return, you follow their rules and love them back. If you do something wrong, they might punish you. Well, they will punish you. Each Papa Bear disciplines differently. Daddy Noah and Daddy Darius are best friends, and they discipline the same way. My advice is to listen the first time because they both don’t like repeating shit.”

  “Are you happy with Daddy Noah?” Abel asked, turning the conversation from punishments. He didn’t know how he felt about a man disciplining him for his wrongs. Men have hurt him more with their angry words.

  “I am. If anyone fucks with me because I’m biracial, he’ll beat their asses to the ground. He protects me and makes sure I feel loved and cared for.”

  “There were tons of racists on the Utah compound where I was raised.”

  “Are you a racist?” Sammy’s eyes narrowed.

  “I hope not. I mean, my father taught us to hate anyone different from us, but I never thought that was right or Godly. He also told us it was wrong to be gay too. I like all people as long as they’re not mean to me.”

  “I’m with you on that. I don’t care what color people are. Daddy Noah feels the same way.”

  “I like you the way you are. I’ve never had a friend who was so cute. You’re very tanned, with gorgeous golden-brown curly hair.”

  “I’m not tanned, silly. The sun didn’t color my skin. You think I’m cute?”

  “Yes. You’re adorable. I guess you’re different than anyone I’ve met before, and I like it.”

  “You’re cute too. Your hair is so straight. You remind me of a Viking. If only my hair…would straighten out.”

  “It’s perfect. Do you ever use makeup?” Abel asked.

  “I’ve used some. Daddy Noah won’t let me go out in public wearing it because it’s unsafe. He doesn’t want anyone to start shit with me.”

  “Maybe one day, we could make each other up.”

  “That would be great. I have some sexy lace undies too.”

  “Really? I have a leather thong from my old job.”

  “What kind of job makes you wear leather thongs?”

  “I was a pole dancer at Boka Boys.”

  “Why aren’t you working there now?”

  “I got fired. Mr. Benson wanted me to work the back room.”

  “Fucking for money?”

  “Yes. I don’t fuck for money. I mean, I did for a short time when I ran out of money, but then I found a real job.”

  “I sold my ass too—for about a month. I didn’t last long doing that.”

  “I think we’re going to be friends. We understand each other,” Abel said.

  “Me too. It’s hard during the day when I’m alone.”

  “How come you don’t work?”

  “Daddy Noah doesn’t want me out in the world without him. He said I could work at the diner when Daddy Darius has an opening. Maybe you could work there too?”

  “That would be great, but if I can’t dance, then I prefer to work outside. I used to work with wood and build houses back in Utah.” The idea of working with Sammy was tempting though.

  “You don’t seem strong enough to be a carpenter.”

  “You’d be surprised. I’m strong, even though I’m small.”

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Abel

  The red truck parked in front of the cabin with Daddy Noah sitting beside Daddy Darius. They jumped out, carrying drinks and a large bag.

  “Time for lunch, boys,” Daddy Darius said. “Wash your hands first and meet us around the back.”

  “The painting looks great.” Daddy Noah gave Sammy a kiss.

  “I guess we did an okay job,” Abel said. He couldn’t help but feel hurt when Daddy Darius didn’t stop to kiss him the same way Daddy Noah had with Sammy. Of course, he knew they weren’t in a relationship like the other two were yet. Maybe someday he’d be that damn lucky.

  “It looks like one person painted it. We paint the same way. Let’s go wash up, then see what’s for lunch,” Sammy said.

  “Okay.” Abel led the way to the cabin.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Sammy followed him to the bathroom.

  “Nothing.” Abel paused. “Except Daddy Darius didn’t kiss me.”

  “After the Lucas mess, he probably wants to make sure things are right. He suffered a long humiliation over it. He won’t go through that again.”

  “I hope you’re right and that’s all it is.”

  They washed their hands and walked back to Daddy Darius and Daddy Noah.

  “You two sit on that side,” Daddy Darius said.

  They sat beside each other. Daddy Noah placed wrapped sandwiches, fruit, and drinks on their paper plates.

  “This is awesome food,” Abel said.

  “The diner has the best,” Sammy added.

  “Speaking of the diner, I have an opening for you, Sammy,” Daddy Darius said.

  Sammy looked over at Daddy Noah for his okay, and he nodded back with a wink. Those two had their own way of communicating, and it was so obvious they loved each other.

  “When do I start?”

  “After the porch is done. It should take the rest of the week because you need to give it three coats.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Your hours will be from six to two. I’ll start you as a dishwasher, with some cooking lessons. I’ll teach you how to be a server too. I need all my employees to be versatile so you’ll be able to fill in where we need you.”

  “What about me, Daddy Darius?” Abel asked. Would Daddy Darius remember he didn’t have a job and needed one?

  “What about you?”

  “Do you have a spot for me?” Abel asked, so wanting to work with Sammy.

  “Not yet. I didn’t know you were interested in working at the diner.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll look for my own job.” Abel fought the lump in his throat that was surely a sign of tears to come, but he couldn’t look like a fool in front of them, especially Sammy.

  “I can’t help you when you don’t tell me what you want,” Daddy Darius said.

  “If I can’t find a job, I’ll beg Mr. Benson for my old job back. I have to work.”

  Daddy Darius looked over at Daddy Noah in a strange way, their special language one that only they knew. Suddenly, Abel felt he didn’t belong here, as if he was standing outside the circle of everyone at the table. He was just a temporary employee and nothing more. He wasn’t part of their Bearded Papa Bear Club. Abel belonged to no one, and it didn’t look like Daddy Darius would want him anytime soon.

  “I’d love Abel to work at the diner with me.” Sammy rubbed his leg against Abel’s.

  For damn sure, Sammy was going to his best friend, the friend Abel had never had. They were so much alike. Within just a few hours, he felt so close to him. No wonder Daddy Noah had fucked Sammy after four hours. Sammy was likable, no, more than that. He was loveable, unlike Abel who’d never received much love except from his mother and sister. When he was on his own, his father had forbidden Abel from calling them. That was such a stupid rule. The entire point of kicking the boys out was so they didn’t steal the girls from the old men, old farts like his father and his sister’s husband. Those two old bastards were pigs. What would a phone call to his mother and sister have mattered?

  “We’ll talk about that this evening,” Daddy Darius said. “I have to get Noah back to work for a few mo
re hours. Both of you can clean up our lunch, then get back to painting. There’s a trashcan near the shed.”

  Daddy Darius’s eyes were clearly scrutinizing Abel, leaving him more uncertain about why Daddy Darius seemed detached and unfeeling. Abel felt deflated, as if a huge shift of energy was blown away from him. What had he done to make Daddy Darius turn on him like this? Daddy Noah had kissed Sammy while Daddy Darius had walked right past him. No kiss. No hug. No touch. Nothing. Something was off with Daddy Darius. Somehow, Abel must have gotten on his wrong side without knowing. If only he knew what he’d done wrong. Maybe Sammy could figure it out; he’d known Daddy Darius a lot longer. Sammy and he cleaned up the lunch area and returned to painting.

  Abel attempted to hide his vulnerable spots for fear that if he exposed any kind of weakness, Sammy would either attack him or take advantage in some way. The bottom line was that he believed that feeling hurt was the same as being weak. He expected rejection if he stood up for his opinions and beliefs. Abel had taken a chance to ask for what he wanted, and Daddy Darius had rejected him. Nothing new to Abel. It had been the same with Mr. Benson. He’d thought the older man loved him, but Mr. Benson proved he was like everyone else in Abel’s life. Once he introduced what he wanted, they rejected him. He’d hoped Daddy Darius was different. Then again, maybe Abel was just a weak person, blaming others for their reactions to him, and ending up hurt.

  The problem was that Abel and Daddy Darius had different ideas about respecting boundaries and norms. Not kissing him at lunch broke one of Abel’s basic standards. He’d expected a kiss or some special treatment, but Daddy Darius had ignored him. Even Mr. Benson would greet him in a special way. Sometimes it was a pinch to his ass, or he’d run his fingers through his hair. Because it took two to tango, Abel often played a part in his own hurt. This had to stop right now. The most important step to take was to go through two lists and take responsibility for his part. Mr. Benson had told him about the lists when Abel found himself hurting from what others had to say about him.

  As far as Abel was concerned, Daddy Darius had hurt him by ignoring him. He asked himself if he’d done the same thing by breaking one of Daddy Darius’s boundaries. Abel promised himself he wouldn’t give permission for any hurt aimed at him. What had he said that distanced Daddy Darius? He knew Abel needed a job, but he’d offered one to Sammy. That hurt like a motherfucker. Maybe Daddy Darius didn’t like the idea of Abel finding his own job or begging for his old job. Clearly, he should’ve given him a job if he really wanted to help him. Wasn’t he good enough to work in the diner?

  “Hey, you haven’t said a word since lunch. Are you mad at me?” Sammy asked.

  “No, I’m jealous, that’s all,” Abel said.

  “Are you pissed Daddy Darius offered me the diner job?”

  “Yes, that too. But I really want with Daddy Darius what you and Daddy Noah have. He barely looked at me at lunch, let alone touch me or kiss me. I’m invisible to him.”

  “If I tell you a secret, would you promise me you’d die first before you tell Daddy Darius? I have this bad habit of reading Daddy Noah’s messages on his phone when he’s sleeping. I didn’t know who they were texting about then.”

  “I swear I won’t tell him anything you tell me. And you better not tell anyone what we talked about.”

  “I won’t tell anyone either. From the slew of messages Daddy Darius sent to Daddy Noah, he told him he wanted this blond dancer at Boka Boys. Daddy Noah told him to ask the dancer for a date, but Daddy Darius said he didn’t work that way.”

  “Is that all?” Abel knew he’d been to Boka Boys because the matches connected those big dots. So, Daddy Darius wanted that dancer at Boka Boys. That must have been why he didn’t say anything about seeing him dance. Why was it a big deal he saw him?

  “No, there’s more. Promise me again you won’t say anything.” Sammy looked scared.

  “I promise. Spit it out, already.” Abel was about to lose his mind if Sammy continued to keep him hanging on each word at such a slow pace.

  “Daddy Darius made Mr. Benson fire you. Daddy Noah said that wasn’t the right way to get you. Daddy Darius said he wanted you, and he had to do what he had to do to make it happen.”

  Abel stopped painting, dropped the paintbrush, and stared at Sammy. He couldn't breathe; it felt as if someone was choking him. His heart was racing, and all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and wait for someone to save him. He’d believed every word Darius had said. The information hit him like a sledgehammer. It was surreal, as if he was dreaming. It would take some time before he comprehended what the hell had just happened. Mr. Benson had fired him at Daddy Darius’s order, and to think Abel thought it was his own fault. His fear of rejection surfaced and invaded the little confidence he’d built in the four years away from the compound. This shit eroded all that he’d worked for.

  The day Mr. Benson had fired him had left him traumatized. He’d begged Mr. Benson to keep him on. When that didn’t work, he’d cried. On that miserable day, the world as he’d known it had collapsed. He’d trusted Mr. Benson with his life, and he trusted Daddy Darius too. Both men had betrayed him. One claimed to love him, and the other didn’t even know him at the time. With men like that in his life, he didn’t need enemies. When would he learn that men used him for their needs, not his? Neither of them ever asked him what he wanted.

  “This isn’t the end of the world, Abel. Don’t look like that. It means Daddy Darius wants you. He just went about it in a strange way. That doesn’t take away the fact that he wants you and he was willing to go to any ends to have you. Don’t be mad at Daddy Darius or me, please.” Sammy ran over to Abel, who was already tearing up.

  “I’m not mad at you, but I can’t stay here anymore. I thought Daddy Darius had my back, but he got me fired from the best job I’ve ever had. For a week, I lived in fear that I wouldn’t make it. None of this is your fault. If I were staying, you’d be my best friend, but I have to leave.” Abel wiped his tears.

  “Please don’t go. I shouldn’t have told you. I thought you’d be happy that Daddy Darius wanted you so badly he had you fired so you would stay with him. I don’t understand why you want to leave. Daddy Darius wants to give you what you want and need. He’s a good Papa Bear.”

  “I’ve got to leave. I don’t feel safe here anymore. I wish things were different. Put your phone number in my phone.” He handed his phone to Sammy. “I’ll call you when I figure things out. I promise I won’t say anything about what you told me. I’ll take it to my grave.”

  “I don’t want you to go. You’re the first guy who I’ve felt comfortable hanging out with. I want you to stay and be my best friend. Please stay. Daddy Darius only did it so he could be with you. He’d never hurt you. He’d keep you safe.”

  “I have some business to take care of. And remember, this isn’t your fault. You did nothing wrong. You were a true friend, and we just met. You’re the best. I’ll call you.” Abel hugged him and ran inside the cabin with Sammy right behind him. He quickly collected his belongings.

  “Let me help you carry them to the car.” Sammy picked up the two suitcases.

  “I didn’t even get to unpack them,” Abel said, wiping more tears away.

  “You’ll be back because I know Daddy Darius will look for you. Don’t hide too well. Give him a chance to bring you back home where you belong.”

  They loaded the suitcases into the car, then hugged, and Abel tore out of there. Somehow, he managed to find the way out to the main road. He didn’t know what to think, but he couldn’t stay at the cabin. The man he trusted had gotten him fired. Why couldn’t he see it the way Sammy had?

  Working was vital to his life. Daddy Darius had risked Abel’s basic need for survival. Working had been his goal since his mother had driven him to the city and told him not to return unless he had at least two wives. It was clear that no one would be there to help if he failed. That was why any job he had was important, with the exception of selling his
ass to dirty old men.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Abel

  Abel found himself parked in the Boka Boys parking lot. It was too early for any of the dancers to be there for work. He got out of the car, rushed inside the club, and walked straight to the back area where Mr. Benson’s office was. He knocked on the door and waited. Abel’s hands were sweating, so he wiped them on his jeans. He felt hot and a little sickened by his thoughts. It didn’t matter he was afraid; he had to see Mr. Benson. What if Mr. Benson kicked him out like he had when he was in his bed? He’d turned into Mr. Hyde that day. Here Abel was once more, probably going to get the boot again, but he had to state his case first. He had to know why Mr. Benson had fired him, as Daddy Darius had asked him to do.

  “Come in,” Mr. Benson called out.

  Abel trembled, rebelling against this meeting. He opened the door and stood in the doorway, too afraid to advance into the office. Mr. Benson looked so professional in his gray suit and black tie. He was a meticulous dresser, but he was also a sex addict and loved online porn, some of which he’d shared with Abel. He’d told him he needed to learn things that he hadn’t on the compound. He’d always taken a special interest in Abel. Strict religious parents had raised Mr. Benson so he could relate to Abel’s past. On many occasions, they’d shared stories about their past.

  “What do you want?”

  “I need to talk to you, sir. It’s extremely important.” Abel studied his brown eyes. He looked at him as if he felt sorry for him. He wore that expression around Abel often, but not with the others. His compassionate eyes made Abel think Mr. Benson had a soft spot for him after all. He’d go with that.

  “Does this have to do with your dancing job?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Sit down, and we’ll talk. You look like shit.”

  “You and I once had a thing, a good thing. Then for some reason, you tossed me out of your bed. I don’t know why. You said you were old enough to be my grandfather, but I don’t care about that. I wanted you, Mr. Benson, but you treated me like shit after I gave myself to you. All of me. But that’s over. You said it was over, so it was over. I don’t blame you for not wanting some skinny dancer, but what I don’t understand is why you betrayed me.”